My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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