Duck Duck Cougar?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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