It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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