While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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