So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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