i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
