Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
