i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
