Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
