Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
