I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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