if you like me you must not know who I am
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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