In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Fuck appropriateness.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
