I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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