I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
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