ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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