my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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