can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
