can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
