I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
