My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
