you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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