the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
