I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
