Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
