Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
