i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
