I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
