i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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