If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
