Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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