im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
