I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
