dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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