he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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