my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
