I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
