I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
