Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Randomize
