Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
