last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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