No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
