I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
