Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
