I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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