I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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