do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
