That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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