mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just pee around me
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
