How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
