Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
