I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Randomize
