he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
