So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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