the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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