sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
